A Touching Movie... A Tragic Life

30th Jan 2006, Monday
0400am

Last night, my buddies (Richard, Eve, Iris, Eve's bro, Adam) n I went Shaw Lido to watch Jack Neo's latest production - I Not Stupid Too. Our comment of the show was all the same: It's a very touching movie. I personally felt that this one was Jack Neo's best movie ever produced. Maybe its because the story stirred my feelings so much that I'm having difficulty falling asleep. Even when watching the movie, old memories already started to flash past my mind.

The story revolves around 2 families of different background. It was funny in the beginning, with some usual S'porean style jokes inserted among the scenes. But when the movie reaches the middle part, things start to have a turn. The ever so common family problems became the sparkle which ignite the flames. This eventually caused the 2 teenagers to head astray from the right path. It is through the great and selfless love that the parents of both displayed that saved them from heading into the path of no return.

I believe many scenes in the movie actually touched the heart of the viewers and had their eyes filled with tears. For I was among the many. I noticed Iris shed tears too, as she sat beside me. However, I was then too busy handling my own emotions to be bothered about wats happening around me.

This movie made me start thinking of my relationship with my family...

To my friends & colleagues, I may appear a happy go lucky person, although I sometimes may seem lost in thoughts. But when I'm home at the end of the day, I'm a totally different person. I do not speak a word unless absolute necessary. I've grown to detest talking to my family members. Even when it is necessary for me to reply, I do not look at them. If given a choice, I think I would rather live alone than to face them. To me, this house is just a place for me to sleep and spend some quiet moments alone. I guess the reason why I've become like this is due to bad childhood memories...

When I was small, I was a very timid person. As a typical traditional family, the husband would act like an emporor and the rest of the family members are like his subjects. Subjected to all sorts of verbal and physical punishment when the emporor is made angry. As a result of his tyranical treatment, I do not , or rather... dare not confide in him even though I had problems (Not that it would help much even if I did anyway). The ill fated wife would of course be the first line of impact. Most of the anger would be vent out on her, one who would silently bear all the injustice.
No matter how strong a person is, there are times when the tolerence reach its limit. Although I have never seen him hit her, the verbal abuse appear much more potent. He would always use the word "divorce" as a threat, on top other forms of verbal abuse. To young children, having to witness all these this word can cause them to loose faith in marriage in the future. To the wife, this word is worse than having a knife piercing through her heart a thousand times. She would always cry after hearing that. Sometimes she cries even by talking to her sis about this.

Everything I saw and heard had caused me as much hurt, no less than my mother. I ever had the thought of ending my father's life with my own hands... That was never put into action, guess I lacked the guts to do it as I was still so small. But I know that just by habouring that kind of thought is enough reason to send me to the depths of hell.

As I grew up, I began to realise that the reason why I felt so much pain when I witness all these is because I had love for them. In order to cease the pain, I had to cease my love. If I treat them as strangers, what they do will not affect me in anyway. Indeed that works. As I shut my door from them, I do not feel so much pain anymore. But this can only reduce the pain, yet cannot undo whats been done to me. My hatred still lingers.

Now, he doesn't do that anymore. He knows that I hated that. There was once I heard him threatening to divorce and I gave him a piece of my mind before I ran out, and spent a few nights in the streets. Since that incident, I haven't seen him verbally abusing her again. But all is too late... I have already shut my heart away from them far too long. Now I don't know how to open up anymore. It's like a sealed door without a key. No matter how good they are to me now, how much care and concern they shower upon me, I am unable to treat them like family. I believe as long as the hatred remains, I will be unable to unlock the sealed door. Seems like nothing they do can erase this hatred. Do I really have to wait until the day when they are no longer around before I can forgive and forget?

I believed I had not told anybody so much in my whole life. I simply do not know how to say it out. There was once I talked to someone bout my past. But halfway through, I was already losing control of my own emotions, and I knew I cannot continue any further. Hope that one day someone who reads this can enlighten me.